By BobbyG

so to make your pagan gathering (and personal lifestyle) compliant with this upcoming legislation, consider doing the following things

take that pentacle and make it solid, preferably blue, and put it on a red and white background

instead of calling the four quarters, why not call the Father, Son, Holy Ghost and the Virgin Mary? You'll still know what you meant, and you can think the real words to yourself while chanting.

instead of those disturbing "drum circles," why not have a "drum and bugle circle," and play Sousa marches instead of that infernal African tribal rhythmic noise?

instead of Tarot card readers, have baseball card readers. it's America's pasttime, dammit !

no more scary dark robes and such. wear Disney T's and bright colors.

no more "Pagan Pride Day." we'd suggest perhaps "Pentacost Pride Day" or "Priest Pride Day." It'll still be "PPD" and you'll still know what it used to mean...

instead of siting your event in such questionable places as nature preserves, parks, or forests, consider clean, well lighted places like church basements and school gymnasiums. and all events should end by 11 p.m. at the latest.

take those damned Harry Potter books away from your kids and find something American for them to read.

you'll still get to celebrate the same holidays, only they'll be known as Christmas, Easter, First Day of Summer and Start of Christmas Shopping Day, along with your old "Cross querter days" known as Presidents' Day, Memorial Day, Back to School Crazy Sales Days, and Halloween.

go along to get along. keep your beliefs--just keep it to yourself. what goes on in your own head is still your own business at least until the Pfizer Genetics/Disney/Wal Mart Brainscan(TM) has full FDA approval.

we suggest you comply with these suggestions. it's for your own good, really.

--The Life-Sentenced Ravers

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