By Jon Gaynor

From up on high he came to teach;
an angel within mortal's reach
To make us all in physics wise
To know on what our world relies.

The greatest wit, most founded sense
A moving air of confidence
through which he opened smaller minds
to a world of newtons, volts and dynes.

He taught us well, that master, Goode
with methods honed and far from crude;
with carts and tickers, stroboscopes
ampmeters, rods and swinging ropes.

Plus films from nineteen forty-one
sonic Rangers, marble guns
a stately rock, known just as "slug"
Which watched us from the lowly rug.

And under Goode all things were good,
our days in high school never could
have been as special without him,
this docker-wearing seraphim.

But as good things come to an end
so too did Bob, our smart old friend.
And so he left, as we would rue
to reap his rest, long overdue.

For thirty years left him unnerved
and long, sweet rest was well deserved.
But the void left in his stead
would grow to cause our hearts true dread.

From 'cross the sea she struck like thunder!
Physics' laws she blew asunder
the ground below her shook in fear
as she ruled o'er our AP year

Oh cruel and vile fate, Why us?
Why suffer we this succabus?
Who from her native eastern bloc
left fortune's wheel so cruelly locked.

And come the last of gray December
class morale reduced to embers,
We begged her "Let us drop your course!"
but she refused without remorse.

And so we anguished long all year
and cringed in shadow, steeped in fear
of horrid grades and torment tough
which proved too great for our weak stuff.

Our failing grades she grew like cancers
-left us reeling, starved for answers
and just as things could get no worse
Our doom she dealt us, plain and terse.

"A test," she said, "which you shall damn!"
"An all important last exam."
And as appeals tried to abate her,
she slyly smirked "No calculators."

With that she waved a crooked claw-
Our TI's flew towards her maw!
which burnt and crushed and ate alive
twelve eighty-two's, one eighty-five.

And so our hopes died in our chests;
Goode's memory, though, swelled in our breasts
Oh truly night had not yet passed!
We strengthened, stood, and then at last-

United screamed: "IT'S PERSONAL NOW!"
"To Latvia we'll never bow,"
"By Goode we swear we'll pass your test!"
"and lay your Hell-bent schemes to rest!"

And so the class with minds intent
did cram with fervor heaven-sent.
And those who searched for true salvation
studied , without relaxation.

But reading books was of no use
As time so precious shrunk the noose!
And notes we had were of no reason
As twilight drew upon school's season!

And so it was the day arrived
no knowledge kept, no plan contrived
against this dark and hopeless trial
conceived by evil, pure and vile.

So to our doom we crawled that morn-
the only sound a single horn
which sadly bid good luck to all
as mourners pitied 'long the hall.

Good students cried, nightmares were dreamt.
The freshmen knew none were exempt.
they, too would one day have their turn
To walk our path and later burn.

And so we reached the vestibule;
The level lowest of the school,
a musty parlor, Gershman's Lair
Bid "come in, but exit ne'er."

And as the door rang shut behind us
ahead lay dark & utter blindness.
and death reared up her ugly head-
laughter filling souls with dread.

From in this blackness she did call:
"My test will now destroy you all-
The questions number ninety-nine.
you've thirty minutes - you'll do fine."

And as we hung, each other turned
to wish the next an end well earned.
We wished to die so nobly tired
-just like Bob Goode westward retired.

So she advanced with forked tongue
breathing sulfur from black lungs
and even in this maddened state,
none flinched (for Bob) with courage great.

And even in that desperate hour,
Our bodies soon to be devoured-
A question never answered vexed us
Why abandon us to . . . TEXAS!

"OF COURSE!" I yelled, not to contain
this happiness which filled my brain-
"Oh joyous rapture - now I see
My friends - He's not abandon thee!"

"Keep heart - for think you of our friend
in Texas - why leave to that end?"
"'Tis simple, our all-seeing Goode
left to prepare to fight this brood"

"For villainy of this degree
requires forces more than he!
So now to augment our defense
he'll bring back Texas Instruments!"

And she by this was struck dumbfound.
With open jaw, turned slow around.
And for that instant Gershman humbled,
Her physics empire slowly crumbled . . .

-But feeling evil's grasp again,
she quickly snapped "That's not his plan!"
"Release your hope - back to your test!"
"Your Goode is gone and laid to rest."

- a pause - she asked "You wish to give?"
"Surrender now and you can live."
And as she waited, fangs-a-glisten,
I faintly, weakly, whispered "Listen. . ."

"RUMBLE, RUMBLE," came the sound
From westland, beyond Jersey's bound
of legions from an unknown force
on some unswerving, deadly course.

But louder still the rumble grew
'til deaf'ning roars were all we knew;
and rays of white did pierce the black
as outer walls began to crack.

And Bells they rang, the Clarions blew -
The students, staff, and Gershman knew
That from afar he had returned
to seek revenge as he had yearned.

The walls collapsed and inward fell,
light dispelled the black of hell,
and hope yet once again was found
as flaming ash concealed the ground.

And as the rocks fell, hard and porous
the choir sang a Verdi chorus,
the band played on and women swooned
As Big Bob Goode retook his room.

And so her lair changed that day
from hell to two-two-seven-"A."
And Bob, in Samite pure, reclaimed
his physics throne and title famed.

Behind him came an army strong,
a physics-loving stalwart throng,
of students, teachers, calculators
wielding Van-Graf Generators!

And TI led the battle fray,
with full intent to evil sway.
With special CBL's they came
that fired napalm, mace and flame!

And some say in that bloody host
came Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
All were there to back up Bob,
this Gershman hating angry mob.

But Gershman, not to be outdone,
retorted "Bob, you're always so much fun."
And from the ground an army rose,
of Latvians half decomposed!

A horde of Marxist dead were these,
whose bites could poison, touch could freeze.
And so two armies went to war,
o'er physics problems, laws and lore

So raged the battle long forlorn,
from dusk that day 'til Sunday Morn.
Many gave their lives that day
To physics far most wretched fray.

Bodies lay in smoldering heaps,
while girlfriends, men and parents weeped.
Calculators from school leased
lay broken too, 'neath the deceased.

And as the sun set on the fight,
the sky ablaze turned red to night,
Two warriors alone did stand
still vying for fair physics' hand.

Gershman bled, her hair afire
arose from the accursed mire,
While Goode in fury for his science
held together in defiance.

"Well here we are again," remarked
that champion of all things dark.
"We've met before, I do believe-
You as Adam - I as Eve . . ."

"Why yes," said Bob, "I recall now.
Time hasn't been too kind, you cow.
And here you'll make up for your ruse
for which I did the garden lose."

"Oh no," said Sophie "there you're wrong
I'll make you change your joyful song."
And so she grabbed Bob's laser red
and aimed it at it's owner's head!

"You see, poor Bob, you'll never win.
For ever since our foremost sin,
I've always had the upper hand,
And now you'll die a burnt old man. ."

With that she shot the deadly beam,
and in his specs he saw it gleam!
So faster than the speed of light
he formed a plan to leave this plight.

He saw the slug! and so he heft it
from the counter where he left it.
In his hands he changed the stone
to save his precious skin and bone.

He rubbed the rock with speed so fast
he made the surface shine like glass!
And with the rocks reflective sheen,
quickly then shot back the beam!

So Gershman, heart now filled with dread
was struck with her own light bolt dead!
She cursed and spit, in pain she writhed
as she so slowly lost her life.

And as her final parting shot,
her corpse ignited, burning hot
and darkons from her body flew
which tore light matter through and through.

And so the night burnt slow away,
giving rise to shining day.
And Goode arose the victor sole,
the lone man in that smoldering hole.

So ended the eternal war
for which all physics battled o'er.
And for old Bob, the time was nigh,
to return to his heaven high.

So tired now, he turned to leave
his students and alumni grieved.
They said "Oh, Bob, you can't just go.
There's so much more that we could know!"

But he just smiled and said: "no, friends-
Your knowledge to you greatness lends.
Already know you what you need
to thrive in life and so succeed."

And then as all great masters do
he faded to horizon blue.
So short was his beloved stay
Our grateful thanks was uttered nay.

But said a voice with timeless tone:
"I'll never leave you all alone.
So courage, friends and keep your hope
For I shall ever help you cope."

"My memory will watch this school
and from it keep such villains cruel.
And as you walk these hallowed hallways
know that Bob is watching always."

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